Sunday 18 December 2011

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A GRIMNEY NEW YEAR

I thought I would just take this opportunity to wish my readers a Very Merry Christmas. It's a busy time of year and not much time for writing - unless you're ultra disciplined (which I'm not!) I think this will probably be my last post for 2011 as I'm sure you'll all have better things to do over the coming weeks than to read my blog!

If something particularly exciting pops into my head in the meantime I'll put a link on Twitter.

My regular readers - all three of you - will know by now that I have slipped into a fantasy world during the past few months. Now, there are some who know me that would say I've always lived in a fantasy world, but never mind about that.......

Of course, I am referring to The Land of Grimney. I do spend a lot of my spare time there these days and I love it! I have three characters in this strange land now and they seem to be taking on lives of their own which is fascinating to me, not being a fiction-type person. I suppose as much as anything it's the challenge I'm enjoying. I haven't played with imaginary people since I was about eight years old, I'd forgotten how much fun it could be.

I have also been promoted to 'site administrator' this week which I'm buzzing about even though I don't quite know what it means! It's a lovely feeling to be valued and given a promotion - even though it is in a fantasy land. Well let's face it it's the only place where I'm likely to be given a promotion! So I thought I'd just like to take the opportunity to let you know that I am important now. I promise I won't let the power go to my head though so don't worry all you peasants. Grimney are also running a Christmas poetry competition but if you want to enter, you'd better get your ice skates on because the closing date is the 25th December.

If you still haven't visited Grimney I suggest you give it a try if only to read some of the amazing poems and stories that members have posted in there. The address is: www.thelandofgrimney.co.uk

I thought I'd leave you with a couple of festive poems. The first is one of the entries I put into the Grimney poetry contest followed by one my twelve-year-old granddaughter wrote this afternoon. I'm so pleased that she likes poetry at such a tender age.

Have a lovely holiday and I'll see you in 2012 x



Present by Barbara Thomas

The present looked exciting
Yes ever so inviting
It sat beneath the tree
With love it said, to me!

Wrapped in crinkly bows
And Santas in the snow
I picked it up, I pressed and squeezed
Then back it went beneath the tree

For weeks and weeks I tried to guess
The contents of that treasure chest
I willed my dog to make a tare
So I could take a peep in there

But she just sighed and licked her feet
‘Cos it didn’t smell of bones or treats
So finally surrender came
I had to play the waiting game

On Christmas day the gift was placed
Into my lap, did my heart race!
I pulled the bows and sellotape
And tore the Santas out of shape

When I finally got to see
What had plagued my curiosity
I forced a smile and tried to hide
The disappointment felt inside

The hints I dropped were very clear
But must have fallen on deaf ears
No Kindle did I find in there
Instead a dryer for my hair


A poem of Christmas by Tyrion Cox


Putting up the decorations,
The sound of cheer and celebrations,
Outside the snow twinkles and glistens,
The choir sing, and everyone listens.
Chestnuts roast on a flaming fire,
The Christmas spirit is lifted higher.
The star upon the festive tree,
Sways, and shimmers gracefully.
Presents look so beckoning.
We sit and wait its so exciting…

Then it comes, the magnificent day!
Both children and adults all shout ‘hooray!
The presents are opened,
Faces are brightened.
Everyone’s happy, cheerful, and glad,
Christmas time, here at last!













Saturday 10 December 2011


This week's blog is another true story from my childhood - followed by a poem based on the story. - Enjoy!       

                                                                SNOW JOKE

I was born in Burnley, Lancashire and lived in a big, old terraced house with a backyard, the gate of which, led out to a large cobbled area which was our play ground.

Most of the houses in the area looked the same, row after row of big, grey terraced houses with chimneys that oozed out clouds of black smoke. This was the age before smoke free zones and being an industrial town with factories and cotton mills, it wasn’t just the smoke from residential chimneys spewing out smoke but also the tall industrial chimneys which dominated the landscape.

Looking back, the setting was quite gloomy and depressing but that’s not how I remember it, with lots of extended family living close by - my grandparents lived next door but one. There were always lots of family members popping in and out, lots of laughter and quite regular family get - togethers mainly in my Grandma’s house where there would be around thirty people crammed in, chattering or singing and dancing to the strains of Grandad’s accordion playing.

Beyond the green, latched gate next to ours, lived the original grumpy old man who was known – for some inexplicable reason – as ‘Pop’
Pop constantly aggravated my Mum with his moaning and grumbling about ‘them kids’ which referred to me and my two elder brothers, Tommy and David. David was the eldest and therefore should have known better but he was a proper lad and led Tommy and me into all sorts of scrapes and misdemeanors, the likes of which would never have entered our innocent heads had it not been for our rebellious leader.

These misdemeanors involved such pastimes as knock and run, and shouting “Baldie” out of the window at folically challenged passers-by before swiftly ducking behind the opened sash windows and peeping over the sill to catch the bemused reaction.

I particularly enjoyed playing knock and run. I didn’t really understand the purpose of the game I just remember it was a source of great excitement, one minute we’d be standing in front of someone’s door whilst whoever’s turn it was knocked loudly. The next we’d be running like the clappers in a desperate bid to get out of sight before the door was opened. Great fun!

I remember one particular night when Tommy and David rushed into the house excitedly and insisted I come out and play with them. I was delighted; I wasn’t usually in such great demand. When we got outside they pointed to a gate.

“See that gate?” asked David “Go and rattle it really
hard” he instructed “and you’ll get some sweets.”

So off I went to accomplish my mission. I grabbed the handle tightly and pushed and pulled with all my strength. The gate rattled furiously but no sweets appeared. .I   threw a defeated look towards the two expectant brothers lurking in the shadows.

“Nothing’s happening.” I whispered.

David emerged temporarily from his hiding place to give further instructions.

“You’re not shaking it hard enough.” he advised, “You need to shake it really
really hard.”

I returned to the task filled with a new determination after the pep talk. Grasping the handle in two hands I proceeded to shake the gate until it was about to come off its hinges. Then everything went black and my excitement turned to horror as I felt myself shuddering from head to toe. I realised that I was freezing cold and dripping wet. From within my miserable, wet darkness I could hear the stifled sound of giggling.  My vision returned as one of the delightful brothers came to my aid and lifted the bucket off my head. Then came my next set of instructions delivered in a somewhat menacing tone:

“Right, you better not tell mum what happened, tell
her you fell in a puddle.”

      “I…. I fell in a puddle.” I wailed as my mum wrapped a towel round me, but from the dark looks she threw at the two ‘innocent’ onlookers, she didn’t believe me.
It wasn’t until later it emerged that David and Tommy had been rattling the gate earlier and had been warned by an exasperated Pop that if they did it again he was going to place a bucket of water on top of the gate and they were in for a soaking. Ever been had?

In those days winter really was winter with the obligatory four feet of snow. A path would have to be cleared from the back kitchen door to the gate before even the shortest of journeys could be considered. On one such day – the story goes – Pop’s heart must have thawed a little, unlike the frozen snow and as a gesture of goodwill, he had entered our back yard armed with a shovel and cleared a path for us. To most people this would be a sign, an extending of an olive branch, so to speak, but not to my Mum, withered by the constant barrage of abuse  about her ‘little angels’ this was an opportunity for……revenge!

She donned her wellies and crunched her way round to Pop’s door to confront the snow thief. She ‘ram tammed’ on the door – as she put it – and a few moments later, Pop opened it a little sheepishly, probably expecting to see a burly policeman standing there judging by the violent hammering at his door.

“Now then” began my Mum, “Warrave you done wi’ our snow?”
After an incredulous pause and a sharp intake of breath Pop replied hesitantly:
“I… er ….. I’ve cleared a path for you.”
“Well you’d no right” continued my Mum, “That’s OUR snow, now
gerrit put back, the kids want to play in it!”

That said, she turned and crunched her way home victoriously, wearing a wicked grin.
Pop, rather grudgingly, trudged back and forth with spades full of snow until every last flake had been replaced – so the story goes.

Now, I can’t validate this story, it is being passed down through the generations (Kunta Kinte style) by my brother David. That said, David is the man who, during his three ‘lost’ years when he disappeared with the hippies in a cloud of smoke, was roadying for Pink Floyd,  the man who now lives ‘just up the road’ from Chris Jagger (Mick’s brother) who he regularly has ‘jams’ with and who, incidentally, once announced:
                                             “Oh she’s great this chick”

 just after the presenter on Top of The Pops had introduced Alice Cooper.




SNOW JOKE – a Lancashire tale

Bill the grumpy man next door 
Often gave my mum what for
Her little cherubs he complained
Were running wild and unrestrained

Chance came for sweet revenge one day
As she beckoned us to come and play
In snow that had fallen two feet deep
While we’d been drifting off to sleep

What possessed him we don’t know
But Bill had been and cleared our snow
Perhaps the path was his device
To end the feud and break the ice

But mummy’s angels had been wronged
And for this moment she had longed
A chance to air her deep frustration
Off she stormed for a confrontation

Face to frosty face she came
With the perpetrator of her pain
Hands on hips she pursed her lips
Warrave yer done wi’ our snow? she quipped

Bill was taken quite aback
By this incredulous attack
I’ve cleared a path for you he mumbled
Put that snow back, it’s ours she grumbled

Bill’s jaw dropped in disbelief
Lost for words that slippery thief
The poor old wretch had met his match
When he ventured on to mummy’s patch

So off he trundled with his spade
Quite disgruntled and dismayed
To re-instate our stolen snow
Truth or fiction?  No - one knows

Saturday 3 December 2011


Here's a true story from my childhood days - followed by another true story written as a poem.                                          

                             WHITE MARE ON ELM STREET
                                      

I swear my Dad invented Jim Royle’s catchphrase “My Arse!” When I was
a child I thought the expression was part of the English language
In fact if you know Jim from the Royle family, you know my dad, he was  
Jim Royle, but with a work ethic.

I don’t remember being bored when I was a young girl, I always found
ways to amuse myself, usually out on the cobbled back street either skipping
or throwing a ball against a high brick wall and catching it. On one of these
occasions   my attention was diverted by a strange sound. I must have been
around five years old and this is one of my enduring childhood memories.

Along the bottom of the cobbles ran Elm Street which led on to Colne road,
a busy main road. From the back street could be heard the distant rumble
of traffic travelling along Colne road and occasionally the rumble would
become a loud roar as a car turned left off the main road into Elm Street.

On this particular evening, a new sound emerged amongst the distant rumble
of the traffic. At first it was barely audible but as it approached it gradually
got louder and louder. I stood and watched, curiously waiting to find out what
was making the noise.

It started as a soft sort of clattering noise like someone wearing big, heavy high heels.
It got steadily louder until into my view appeared a magnificent sight. I gazed in
wonder as a huge white horse with a rider sitting, proudly aloft, passed by the end
of the cobbled street and the clattering noise faded away again.

I was totally fascinated and strangely excited by the spectacle. Over the next few
days I noticed that the same thing happened at around the same time every day
and I would find myself waiting with great anticipation

 After about a week of this, I could stand the suspense no longer and a crazy plan
started to form in my little head.

I waited and waited for the moment when I could put my plan into action then
the day arrived. I waited and waited then eventually the soft clatter could be heard in
the distance. Horse and rider came into view and I was off!

 I chased the horse along Elm Street On and on I ran, all my energy andconcentration 
focused on the black outline of the rider seated on that magnificent beast. Although I 
continued to run at full speed, the gap between me and the horse began to widen.

I kept on running, I couldn’t let them get away now I’d come this far. Idon’t know how 
long I ran for but somehow they got away, the silhouetteof horse and rider vanished over
the brow of a hill and the clatteringbecame softer and softer until I could hear it no more.

Not only had I lost sight of my horse and my bold plan to ask if  I could have a ride
but now I had a new and more immediate problem. I was totally lost! Theunfamiliar
landscape which just moments ago had seemed so inviting, now looked frightening and 
mysterious, green hedges lined with trees, rapidly descending intohalf light as the sun faded.
I spun around on my heels and surveyed the strange and unfamiliar landscape I could feel 
my tiny heart pounding against my chest, partly from running, partly from fear and partly
from wondering   what   my mum and dad would say when they found out where I’d been.

Why had I chased that stupid horse up here? I had to get home, but how?

With incredible clarity of mind I decided that even though I hadn’t a cluewhere I was, if 
I started running in the opposite direction to the one thatbrought me here I would 
eventually recognise something familiar  

The return journey was the complete opposite to the exciting adventure which
 had brought me here, full of terror and uncertainty, all I wanted to do was get back to that 
familiar cobbled Street.

Oh! the feeling of relief   when, eventually I came upon a street that I recognisedbut the feeling
was short-lived, soon to be replaced with the fear of facing my mumand dad and trying to 
explain where I’d been. I was sure they’d be out franticallysearching for me by now, I must 
have been missing for hours. Finally I turned onto those WONDERFUL cobbles. No sign 
of my frantic mum and dad. With great trepidation Ilifted the latch on our green gate, walked 
around the bend in the yard and opened the heavy, black kitchen door.

As I entered the kitchen, I heard laughter coming from the front room; I walked up the corridor 
on trembling legs and into the room where my mum and dad were sat by a roaring fire, 
chattering happily. My mum looked up as I entered;

“Oh hello” she said, casually, “I was just coming
 to call you in, what’ve you been doing?”

“Oh….er….playing with me ball” I replied, half truthfully.

Relief swept over me, nobody knew about my crime, and nobody ever did, until now that is.

At some point I must have told my mum about the recurring horse visionand I must have 
given her the inclination that I was excited about it because one afternoon she said 
she had something exciting to tell me.

Apparently she’d been talking to Eileen from the chippy on Elm Street and it had transpired 
during the conversation that Eileen worked in riding stables on Manchester Road and she’d
told my mum that I could go with her one day and help her to ‘muck’ the stables out.

“Would you like to go with her?” she asked....... Would I!

Well! For the next couple of weeks I ate, slept and dreamt those stables. Finally the great 
day arrived. Clad in my new stretchy slacks and shiny wellies, I clung tightly to the carrier 
bag containing my picnic and waited anxiously for the door bell to ring.

I boarded the bus with Eileen and she chatted away happily about what she did at the
stables. I don’t think I said a lot, I was very shy but it was worth going through the pain of 
being with this virtual stranger to get to see a horse up close.

I’ll never forget, the wonderful smell of horse manure as we trudged along the muddy, winding 
path leading to the stables. Eileen opened a big gate and I followed her in to a massive yard, 
the stones crunched under our feet as we made our way in to that magical place. I looked up in
awe at a massive head peering out over a gate. The jaws went from side to side as it munched on a clump of hay. It stopped chewing momentarily and gazed curiously at me, I stared into the huge
shiny eyes and felt I would burst with happiness. My love of horses had begun.

After a long day filled with new sensations, including back – breaking work, every minute of which, 
I adored, Eileen stunned me with the biggest surprise of all;

“Would you like to ride on one?” she asked.

How much excitement can one child take in a day?

Sat on that horse with the leather saddle creaking and the jangling bit on the bridle, soft leather 
reins clutched in my tiny fingers and the warm, horsy smell in my nostrils, the clattering sound 
came from beneath me now not from a distance, I felt like a princess! Life doesn’t get much 
better than this.

When I arrived home my mum and dad wanted to know all about my day and I had so much 
to tell them that my words were falling over each other, they laughed, I think they could tell I’d 
had a good day.

When all the excitement died down, I remembered something important that I needed to ask my dad.

“Can I go for horse riding lessons? Eileen said she’d take me.”

“And how much is that going to cost?” asked my dad.

“Seven and six” I replied

[1]Seven and six? Seven and bloody six?” he repeated,
 “Horse riding my arse!”




[1] seven and six: equivalent of  37 pence


                                                              UNBRIDLED JOY

I’ve never seen a horse so black
Overwhelmed, must sit on her back
And ride around that field so free
No saddle no bridle, just Diana and me
Alongside the fence she stands
Over I climb and with both hands
Grab her mane and with all my might
Pull myself over and hold on tight
There I sit excited and dazed
She lowers her head and continues to graze
Come on Diana I urge her on
She doesn’t take a step, not one.
I dig my heels into her sides
Hoping to go for a gentle ride
She pauses and lifts her head, at last!
Then snorts…and continues to nibble the grass.
You’re lovely, I coax, gently patting her neck
But Diana’s just not in the mood for a trek
I get the message and slide to the ground
Diana continues her munching sound
I clamber the fence but I’m still feeling fine
For a whole ten minutes that horse was MINE

On my way to school the following day
The farmer’s daughter was coming my way
I want a word with you she screamed
My heart stopped dead or so it seemed
My dad saw you yesterday, she said
I looked at her blankly and scratched my head
Sitting on Diana’s back
She spoke of my non-existent hack
Oh yeah well, I meekly replied
She was by the fence and I fancied a ride
Well it was a stupid thing to do
I didn’t reply I suppose it was true
What did you think you were playing at?
Climbing onto a horse like that?
I just wanted a ride I repeated
She shook her head and looked defeated
Then suddenly I was rudely awoken
She exclaimed, That horse has never been broken
Oh I gasped, well I didn’t know
I felt myself shaking from head to toe
Now the sight of a horse never fails to remind
Me of Diana, so gentle and kind

Tuesday 29 November 2011

Who wants to live in the real world anyway!

I know I'm not the first and I'm sure I won't be the last but...I realised a few days ago that I spend more time in the Cyber world than I do in the real one. I'm either writing my blog, entering competitions online talking on Twitter or Facebook or getting lost in Grimney!

I find myself rushing to do things that need to be done on planet reality so that I can get back into my cyber world. My dog doesn't like it, she sits staring at me quite often as if willing me to 'come away from that box'.
She's happy enough today though because we've been playing in the park for two hours so she's tired enough not to notice that I'm on the box in the corner again!

My husband doesn't mind too much, he's in his own little cyber world much of the time! We do meet up in the real world for a coffee occasionally though......

The most surprising aspect of this is my growing addiction to Grimney. I - or at least my character - has been having lots of adventures there recently. The difference between Grimney and planet earth is that you can control what happens to your life!

I used to spend quite a lot of time uploading articles and poetry to various publications in the hope that they would not only publish my scribblings but pay me as well. I don't do that so much nowadays though because I find that simply writing for the pleasure of it is far more enjoyable. My words may not be the most profound that you've ever read but they are MY words and I don't have to have anyone's permission to get them published.

During that particular period when I was desperate to be a published writer, I  wrote a poem called 'Cyberspace Race' My daughter then turned it into a song for me which gave me a huge thrill! I can now add the rather impressive title of  'songwriter' to my growing list of credentials.

What?

Well, other people blag their way through life so why shouldn't I?

So until next time I leave you with my poem and my song!!


                                                 CYBERSPACE RACE

My words of wisdom keep disappearing
Into cyberspace
I don’t want to grumble
But I’m sort of losing face
All my words are disappearing
To a black hole sort of place
You see
I’ve joined the cyberspace race

The cyberspace race
The cyberspace race
My words are disappearing
Into cyberspace
Now that I’ve joined
The cyberspace race

One day I’m going to get a call
From an alien in another world
He’ll say Your words are clever
And I wondered if you’d ever
Had them published
No not yet
I just upload them on the net
But I’ve never heard a word, not yet

You see:
The cyberspace race
The cyberspace race
My words are disappearing
Into cyberspace
Since I joined the cyberspace race

Log in, Log out
Log in, Log out
All this white space
What is it all about?

The cyberspace race
The cyberspace race
Think I’ll cancel my subscription
To the cyberspace race
All my creative juice
Is floating round in cyberspace.

 http://soundcloud.com/barbarathomas#play (Copy and paste this link to bring up player)

Monday 21 November 2011

                                                             The Hex Factor

Every year I say the same thing  ' I'm not going to watch it this year' and then......before I know it I'm halfway through the series. What am I talking about? You've probably guessed already, Reality TV - which, I might add, doesn't appear to have much reality in it at all.

X Factor and I'm a Celebrity get me out of here (or should that be; I want to be a celebrity get me in there!) are the current shows I love to hate. Simon Cowell has a lot to answer for! I have done a creative writing course - ok so you might not guess it from reading my blog - but one thing that stands out in my mind from that course is that you should avoid cliches like the plague (sorry!). I was also told that I use too many exclamation marks!!! I personally like exclamation marks but I can see the reasoning behind the cliche thingy.

Do the same rules not apply to telly programmes? I'm referring particularly to cliches now. If I hear one more cliche during X Factor I swear........I won't watch it next year..........
Here are just five that drive me mad:

It's a life changing opportunity.
This week you've got to up your game
You're the one to beat
You nailed it
It's becoming predictable (huh, says you!)

Also really, really annoying are the obviously staged rows between the judges - designed to keep 'the public' interested.

I may be becoming cynical in my old age but I don't even believe the contestants are real! My theory is that the majority of the finalists are already signed by record companies and the programme is a cheap way to gain publicity for them. It's just my opinion and I'm not always right.

Another thing that annoys me is when 'the judges' tell amazing vocalists that they have 'potential' In other words those expert judges will teach the youngsters how to become great singers, all credit to the judges then! I wonder if there is anybody in the country who doesn't see right through it? Yes, probably the ones who have actually stopped watching! The rest of us just keep watching so that we can have a good grumble!

No poem this week. Instead I have a special treat. Below is a singer who has been treading the boards since the age of thirteen and has genuinely served her apprenticeship.She is my daughter and in this video she is performing one of the many songs she has written. I hope you enjoy it but not to worry if you don't, we don't all like the same things!

Until next week:

   http://www.youtube.com/user/Jenny67167?blend=1&ob=5


Monday 14 November 2011

Ringo Ruined my Party!

 Well, it's been a great weekend for Beatles fans with all the documentaries commemorating fifty years since the group arrived on the scene. Did I say FIFTY YEARS? Seems like yesterday to me. Anyway, watching the programmes and hearing the songs made me feel all nostalgic.I don't know about anybody else but I can't think of one song by the Beatles that I don't like. There's not many artists you can say that about today - I must be getting old or something! It also brought back memories of a very sad day in my life.....


I can still remember my eighth birthday party like it was yesterday    The Beatles had just been unleashed on the world and I had fallen head over heels in love with Ringo Starr.   
Plans were well underway for my eighth birthday party when I had a brainwave. I would send an invitation to Ringo, he’d be delighted to receive it and would surely come. I quickly wrote the letter…

Dear Ringo, it’s my birthday on December 28th and I’m having a party. You can come if you like. Then as an afterthought I added, Oh and you can bring the other Beatles as well if you want to. I didn’t want to hurt their feelings by not inviting them but I wasn’t bothered as long as HE turned up!

I asked my big brother if he knew the Beatles’ address – and of course he did. Big brothers know everything don’t they? Soon the invitation was on its way to 1A Liverpool Road, Liverpool.

A few weeks later there was a lot of hustle and bustle in the house as the preparations got under way for the big party. Cakes and jellies were being prepared and the room decorated with balloons. Ringo was going to LOVE this. Quite a lot of people had been invited but there was only one guest I was waiting for.    

Each time the doorbell rang I chased my mum up the corridor. She’d barely got the door open as I squealed “Is it Ringo?” “No, my mum replied, it’s…..” My heart sank. Still there was plenty of time yet. I was absolutely certain he would come. The scene kept repeating until finally, the doorbell stopped ringing.

There was lots of noise and excitement all around me, looking back it must have been heartbreaking for my mum seeing my miserable face amidst all the merrymaking but I just couldn’t understand why he hadn’t turned up, he never even sent me a birthday card!
All I wanted to do was cry. I was glad when the charade ended and everyone went home.

It took me a long time to come to terms with the disappointment of that day but as I grew older I realised why Ringo hadn’t shown. His address wasn’t 1A Liverpool road, what was my brother thinking………..

I've often wondered if that letter is on display somewhere in a Beatles museum..or if it actually got delivered to Ringo.

I know I have already shared this poem with you in an earlier blog but it seems appropriate to end with this one because of the 50th anniversary - and also because I particularly like it. (Am I allowed to say that about my own poem?) Yes, that's what I like about writing my own blog, I can do whatever I choose......
See you next week x

PIANO

In a winter white room
Stands a Grand piano
Silent,
Untouched by human hands
Un-played and silent
Composed
That piano stands

In dark shadows of a jail cell
Sits a man
Silent
Untouched by emotion
Unloved and silent
Decomposing
Sits that man

In the winter white room
And the shadowy cell
A ghostly voice
Is often heard
Echoing through the walls


[1] ‘Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too’

Sunday 6 November 2011

Still waiting for the call from ITV

Well, where did that week go? Another two hundred competitions entered - only to vanish into the ether, never to be heard of again! I don't know why I'm being so sceptical, I suppose it's because old habits die hard. I dread to think how many hours I've wasted over the last twelve months entering competitions.

So why do I - and millions of others - do it?  I can only speak for myself of course but being an optimist definitely helps. I've spent all my life (yes, all twenty one years) saying things like: 'I'm not lucky, I never win anything, I have to work for everything I get' and  tutting at slogans like 'You've got to be in it to win it' and 'Winners never quit, Quitters never win.'

I used to enter the odd competition here and there but never won anything, hence the above statements. It wasn't until I discovered the competition site 'Loquax' that I became a true 'comper'. Yes Loquax it's YOUR fault! Apart from lots of  new competitions which are added daily, the site has forums bursting at the seams with enthusiastic winners shouting about their latest wins. They used to get on my nerves - until I joined them.....

There are hints and tips about entering and winning competitions and the main concensus amongst seasoned professionals seems to be, the more you enter, the more likely you are to win. Even though I'm generally an optimistic sort of soul I've never expected to actually win a competition but I decided to test the theory.

Many of the winners on Loquax admit to entering hundreds of competitions a week - which sounds a lot but in practice is easily achieved with the abundance of competition sites online that just require a few clicks of the mouse in order to get your 'name in the hat.'

It's an interesting hobby with the added incentive of  never knowing what tomorrow might bring.

I spent at least an hour every day for the next six months entering competitions. My favourite type being tie breakers. As a writer I think I'm pretty darned good at tie breakers, unfortunately the competition judges don't appear to agree.....(sigh)

My first win came just a week after I announced to my husband that I was going to 'give up wasting my time on these competitions' adding 'I'm not lucky, I never win anything.' A week later I opened my emails up to see one that started with the words: Congratulations you are a winner...... It was only a runner-up prize, a DVD, the first prize was a state of the art DVD recorder. I wasn't too disappointed though, it gave me a push to continue entering with renewed energy because it convinced me that 'Your name can come out'

Little did I realise that this was the start of a winning roll.........

Just two days after the initial winning email I received another one. This time it was a first prize - and there was only one first prize! A digital camera and  photobox vouchers to the value of £100. Oooooh, the excitement, anybody would have thought I'd won the lottery! About a week later I got another email telling me that I'd won a spa break (value £250) Spa products and bars of chocolate - another first prize! By now I was opening my emails almost expecting to have won another prize but the next two weeks went by quietly with no prizes. I started to think the wins had been a fluke, then Voila! another win. It was another runner up prize of a DVD but it fuelled my hope and I entered more believing now that the 'law of averages' really does work. Another quiet couple of weeks then, BAM - another runner-up prize but this was one I was hoping for, A family pass to Pleasure Beach Blackpool. We had a wonderful day out with our daughter and granddaughter - all free of charge.

That was at the end of July and I haven't won a thing since - so surely it must be time for me to receive another batch of winner's emails! Or, maybe this time it will be a phone call from ITV......... I live in hope!
Many of the Loquax members have received a call from ITV.........They get on my nerves.........


I may not be the luckiest person when it comes to competitions but I am lucky in love! (Smooth link or what?!)


Dream Lover

I met him in Liverpool
Don’t know why I was there, alone
He was handsome and very cool
Said his name was Joe Malone

I fell for Joe most instantly
He also seemed to fall for me
Together we had a wonderful day
That’s when I decided to play away

Just couldn’t help myself you see
These sort of things don’t happen to me
He said he played for Liverpool
Don’t go for footballers as a rule

We agreed to meet again next day
But I realised with much dismay
That now I must return to Jim     
And break the news of Joe to him

I’ve got a boyfriend, I blurted out
His name is Joe. I had no doubt
That he’d be overjoyed for me
Jim’s a Liverpool fan you see

When will you meet again? he asked
As in my newfound love I basked
Tomorrow I dreamily replied
I’ll come as well, Alright I sighed.

Don’t know why I agreed to this
As I remembered Joe’s sweet kiss
We do the strangest things in dreams
Especially ones with football themes

So off we set for Liverpool
To meet the boyfriend, Joseph cool
At the station I nervously waited
For Joe to show, my breath was baited

But when Joe finally appeared
He’d changed and he looked really weird
His rugged face had been replaced
By an old and wrinkly woman’s face!

What do you want to do today?
He asked as I began to pray
This wasn’t real and I was dreaming
I glanced at Jim, his face was beaming

Joe, first let me introduce
My husband, Jim, his face went peuce
We’ll get together another day
He said as he turned and hurried away

As I left with Jim, my ego was battered
My dreams of being a wag were shattered
He was a strange looking bloke noted Jim
I couldn’t help but agree with him

Sunday 30 October 2011

Strange Week

Any of you who know me will be aware that I am not 'into' fiction. I am a firm believer that truth is stranger. If my family want me to watch a film they always tell me that it is 'a true story'. I was half way through the Matrix before it dawned on me that it wasn't fact based!

So why am I telling you this? I have had a very strange week and I have a feeling my life is going to get a lot stranger.

It started with a tweet.....

I - reluctantly - joined Twitter a whlie ago. I joined Facebook after being persuaded by some friends at college and quite enjoyed it for a while. But then I got a bit bored with it when I realised that I was spending a lot of time there, time that I should have been spending on something more productive. I gave up to social networking eventually just 'popping on' occasionally to see if anything new was happening.I kept hearing about Twitter and Tweets and eventually decided to have a look. After I joined, my Twitter page was abandoned for quite some time until I discovered a few college friends again on the site.That was the beginning of a new form of time-wasting (Sorry Twiiter friends, it's nothing personal!) I started tweeting and then I decided to start this blog - another new experience.Once more I seem to find myself in cyberspace almost as much as I am in the real world.

I got a little bit excited about Twitter when I discovered that famous people used it and I started to follow some of my favourite people, mainly comedians because I like a good laugh. I follow Steve Martin, Eddie Izzard and paul Merton to name a few but I soon discovered that famous people don't talk to mere mortals such as me.

In April 2009 I noticed a tweet from Paul Merton inviting people to join The Land of Grimney. I had a look and decided to join but being the technophobe that I am I couldn't work out how to navigate the site. I tried, again unsuccessfully to upload some poems to the site quite recently and emailed the admin team to ask for help. I received no reply and once again the site was abandoned.

This brings you up to date with my background in social networking so what happened to make this week so strange?

Firstly, I received an email from a wizard - I kid you not! Out of the blue I received an email from someone by the name of 'Word Wizard.' The email was to advise me that my email to them had 'slipped through the net' - I don't think there was any pun intended. I won't bore you with the details but I have spent most of this week in the Land of Grimney having conversations with all sorts of strange beings. I have a friend called Philomena who is a mermaid and works behind the bar at Holmes tavern, which is where I've spent most of my time - as you would expect. Philomena took me for a ride on her Kelpie to a lake where I met an ugly monster by the name of the Gwump.

Back in the real world I am receiving emails from my wizard, friend who is advising me about my character in Grimney! For someone who has never had any interest in fantasy, fairies, witches, monsters and so on, I have quite enjoyed my visits to this strange land. Maybe I'm discovering my lost childhood or maybe I'm finally losing the plot, big time, I don't know but I'm enjoying a completely new experience - and gradually slipping away from Twitter land.

Since 2006 my life has been constantly throwing up new adventures, the first of which was deciding to enroll on a degree course at my local college.

If you had told me ten years ago that I would one day have an English degree, that I would spend half of my time in Cyberspace, that I would be writing (or at least attempting to write) poetry and finally that I would be having an adventure in a fantasy land, I would have assured you that you had got me confused with somebody else!

I have no suitable poem to accompany this week's blog but I am going to attempt to create one. If no poem appears at the end - it means I failed.

Thanks for reading and see you next week - unless I end up in outer space or something, I never know these days!



At a Tavern in Grimney
Meadow Goblinglitter stays
In a nearby magic forest
She whiles away her days

She loves to sit and gaze beneath
The purple snoozle tree
At the comings and the goings
Of that strange community

 There are witches, there are wizards
There are toads and mermaids too
If you like mystery and adventure
You should visit Grimney too.

Oh, alright it's probably not the best poem you've ever read but I only had half an hour......










Monday 24 October 2011


                                                             Death of a Dictator
So Colonel Gaddafi's dead and there are mass celebrations taking place across Libya. Freedom at last for people who have been ruled with an iron fist for forty years. So will Libya be transformed overnight into a flourishing democracy? I doubt it. Judging by the scenes surrounding the tyrant's final moments, I doubt it very much.
Whatever Gaddafi did when he was alive, by meting out the same horrific, barbaric treatment to him when he was lying helpless and injured, the mob showed that they had no more capacity for compassion than their fallen leader .It doesn't bode well for the emerging Libya to see scenes of a blood-soaked body being kicked and beaten to a chorus of  jubilant rejoicing, reminiscent of howling packs of hounds ripping a fox apart.

As long as we subscribe to the notion that someone 'deserves' to die like that there is no hope for a peaceful existence on this planet.

Time and time again I am reminded of my favourite quote:

                                           An Eye for an Eye makes the Whole World Blind.

Instead of one of my own poems, this week I have decided to share some beautiful  lyrics from a King Crimson song which are appropriate in view of the subject:


Peace - an End
 
Peace is a word
Of the sea and the wind.
Peace is a bird who sings
As you smile.
Peace is the love
Of a foe as a friend;
Peace is the love you bring
To a child

Searching for me
You look everywhere,
Except beside you.
Searching for you
You look everywhere,
But not inside you.

Peace is a stream
From the heart of a man;
Peace is a man, whose breadth
Is the dawn.
Peace is a dawn
On a day without end;
Peace is the end, like death
Of the war.

Monday 17 October 2011

Would you really want £101 million?

I've been reading about the latest Euro Millions winners who won the obscene amount of £101 million last week. It got me thinking. What a ridiculous amount of money that is to offer as a prize. I can put my hand on my heart and honestly say I wouldn't want that amount of money and, by the way, if I did win an amount like that I would definitely not be going public! What are those people thinking? They say they'd rather get it out in the open so they can 'enjoy' the money! I wonder if they're enjoying having their names dragged through the murky tabloids?

I keep telling people that if I won the lottery it wouldn't change me. They always laugh and say 'You don't know how it would change you until it happens.' I WISH I could win the lottery - if only to prove to people that I hadn't changed! I LOVE my little house - and little, it is. I feel safe and secure where I live. I have everything I need - which isn't much! These people who win always talk about buying a big house, a new car - the current winners are buying a new diamond engagement ring. They bought a ring when they got engaged but now want to replace it with a diamond one. What happened to sentimental value?

I do enter the lottery but if I ever win I have a plan which I'm dying to put into action. I won't be buying a flashy car or a mansion, I'm happy with what I've got. I'm not saying for one minute that I won't have a spending spree. It would be lovely to go out and buy whatever takes your fancy  without checking the bank balance first. However I have never had access to one million pounds, let alone a hundred and one so  I think having too much money would be nearly as bad as not having enough, not quite as bad I should stress but it would bring a new set of pressures.

So if I won £101 million I think I'd keep a million so that I could make my life easier and the lives of my family too. The other £100 million would go to making a whole lot of other people's lives better, after all the old saying, 'You can't take it with you.' is very true. Oh and naturally I will be looking after everyone who follows my blog - especially those who comment!!!!!

On that note, this week's poem is a 'tongue-in-cheek prayer that I wrote some time ago.
See you next week.


Dear Lord,


Do you think that you could fix it for me
To win on the National lottery?
I wouldn’t ask for this normally
But my cash is depleting quite rapidly

I won’t waste it on irrelevant things
Like designer labels or lots of bling
Or a mansion with furniture fit for a king
I’m just fed up of tightening my purse strings

I might splash out a bit, surely I can’t be blamed
Because all of my life, Lord I’ve had to abstain
And to tell you the truth it’s becoming a bane
If I don’t get some cash soon I might go insane

If I’m totally honest I don’t think it’s fair
How some folk just seem to have more than their share
And you say of material things, we shouldn’t care
But it’s not easy, Lord when the cupboards are bare

I know I’ve not always been good, but I’ve tried
So I’d like you to put misdemeanors aside
And just for once give me an easy ride
That’s the end of my prayer, I’ll leave you to decide.

Following that post, have a read of this: http://www.lovemoney.com/news/family-finance/family-finance/13130/it-sucks-to-win-the-lottery?source=1000557

Monday 10 October 2011

New Start

Right this is how it works. From today this has become a weekly blog. I've just decided that! I made an executive decision. It's MY blog, I'm in charge, I make all the decisions, ok? It's developing into a blog about poetry and that was definitely not my intention. I am therefore going to make a conscious effort not to talk about poetry. My two loyal readers are going to get the impression that I'm a poetry geek - and I'm not. In fact I'm not any sort of geek, there it's official. Talking about poetry.......this is the last time I'll mention it - promise, I am going to end each blog with one of my poems. That way I get to talk about random stuff plus I get a chance to showcase some of my poems. I welcome feedback if only to confirm that I'm not talking to myself.....

I didn't realise it was National chocolate week this week until I saw it trending on Twitter. Tell you the truth I didn't even realise there was such a thing as chocolate week until today. I'm all in favour of it though, apparently chocolate week runs from the 11th to the 17th of October. Is there any week that isn't a 'something' week these days?  There was a story on the local news tonight about a twelve year old school boy who had been suspended for setting up a tuck shop  and selling chocolate to his school friends Apparently he had made a profit of £1000 in two weeks! People were asked for their opinions on the story. 'Should he have been suspended or congratulated for being an entrepeneur'  Dragon, Duncan Bannatyne tweeted the programme saying  'No! He should get a bleedin' medal, sack the head teacher.'

For some reason I'm fancying a bar of chocolate now........

Until next week I'll leave you with this:


PIANO

In a winter white room
Stands a Grand piano
Silent,
Untouched by human hands
Un-played and silent
Composed
That piano stands

In dark shadows of a jail cell
Sits a man
Silent
Untouched by emotion
Unloved and silent
Decomposing
Sits that man

In the winter white room
And the shadowy cell
A ghostly voice
Is often heard
Echoing through the walls


[1] ‘Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too’


[1] Extract from Imagine by John Lennon

I thought this was appropriate as yesterday would have been John Lennon's 71st birthday